When I started this journey – and shortly after started this blog – my intention was to become like Mary. To sit at the foot of Jesus and focus my energy and attention on what mattered most. My walk with Jesus. My husband. My kids. Serving others. Loving others.
A year and a half ago I told all my clients I was quitting – shutting down that chapter of my life to find a new pace where I could be more balanced. I felt strongly that God was leading me every step of the way.
But I still need to pay bills. I still needed income. The doors of another job opportunity opened and I walked through those doors. I prayed for God to open the doors and they opened. I never felt 100% peace in the decision . . . but I felt 90% peace. And the doors were wide opened. So I walked in.
It wasn’t a good fit.
So, why did the doors open? I am not sure. Maybe God wanted me there for a short season. Maybe it was to teach me once again that my “career” doesn’t define me. That I need to find my definition in Christ. Maybe it was to teach me to wait on Him.
Now that I have quit that job I can see even more clearly the importance of being still with God. Listening for His voice. And experiencing His refreshing. And once again to focus on the things that matter most.
Acts 3:19: Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord (NIV)
- Joshua 13
Most days I feel good – positive, happy, etc. But then there are days that I feel overwhelmed. My children don’t obey me. My husband hurts my feelings. I yell at all of them . . . and then feel guilty and like a failure as a mom and wife.
I feel tired and distracted when I read the Bible.
I feel uninspired when I write my blog and muddled when I pray.
But then I read about Job and Peter. These men were facing horrible experiences – the death of children, health issues, prison, murder of friends and more. These aren’t just stories. These were real men. Men who ate, slept, laughed and probably cried. Men who experienced ups and downs in their walks with God. From Job crying out for death and Peter denying Jesus . . . to God restoring Job’s fortunes and Peter being freed from prison by angels.
God had wonderful things in store for these men and plan for their lives beyond what they could have ever imagined. But their lives were far from “happy” and they experienced deeper lows then I have ever experienced. But they persevered. They kept their eyes focused on God. They fought the good fight, even when it was hard.
This is what I am loving about reading through the Bible – meeting these mentors through their words and experiences. Learning from them. Seeing the big picture. And being encouraged to keep up the walk and the faith, even on days when I feel like my head will explode and I can’t do anything right. Just keep walking. Day by day. Step by step.