Tag: Forgiving

Learning to Forgive

Forgiving isn’t always easy, but there are steps and resources to help us turn our offenders and hurts over to Jesus.

A few years ago, I was having coffee with a friend. We were having a casual conversation about something from my past when I felt myself on the verge of tears. She gently prodded as to why I was still so upset when I claimed to have forgiven him.  The more I reflected on it; I realized that even though I thought I had forgiven this man, I hadn’t. The pain and anger were still there, just buried.

God forgave us, and we are commanded to forgive: “Then Peter came up and said to him, ‘Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” (Matthew 18:21-22 ESV)

When my friend left coffee, she handed me a booklet from an organization called Fresh Start for All Nations. Going through this booklet, I discovered some essential truths about forgiveness:

  • I need to release the hurt to God. (Psalm 55:22-23)
  • I need to seek peace and leave their punishment to God. This also means I don’t gossip about the person or put them down. (Romans 12:16-21)
  • I need to pray for the person who hurt me. (Matthew 5:44)

Forgiveness isn’t a one-time thing. It is a continual process, especially for the big hurts, and involves lots of prayer and reflection. Jesus knew what He was talking about when He said to forgive seventy-seven times. For some of the people who have hurt me deeply, it has taken many months of prayer, repentance, and thanksgiving until I have been able to release them to God.

“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:25-27,31-32 ESV)

I am grateful to my friend, who pushed me a little bit and asked me the hard questions, so I’ll ask you the same: Who has rejected you? Have you been violated or abused? What family members, friends, or acquaintances have said or done things that still sting?

And just like she told me to do, I’ll suggest you do the same, make a list of those names and ask God to show you others. Then take them to Jesus and start your journey toward forgiving them and replacing the hurt with peace.

Am I Loving Jesus?

In John 14, Jesus repeatedly tells us that obeying him equates to loving him. If I claim to love Jesus but don’t obey him, I need to question my claim of loving him.

If you love me, keep my commands.

Jesus, John 14:15

Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.

Jesus, John 14:21

Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. Anyone who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.

Jesus, John 14:23-24

Taking a personal inventory of my behavior helps me see if my love for Jesus is genuine or just lip-service.

Am I obeying Jesus’ Commands?

  • How do I handle insults and rejections because of Jesus? (Matthew 5:11-12)
  • Am I letting my light shine so people may see my good deeds and glorify God. (Matthew 5:16)
  • Am I lashing out in anger, or making sure my words are kind and loving, even when I am upset? (Matthew 5:21-22)
  • How I deal with someone who is upset with me? Do I reconcile with them and settle matters quickly? Do I forgive others? (Matthew 5:23-25)
  • Am I lusting? (Matthew 5:27-28)
  • Do I condone divorce? (Matthew 5:31-32)
  • How do I treat people who hurt me? (Matthew 5:38-39)
  • Am I praying for my enemies and showing them love? (Matthew 5:43-47)

These are just the start of the commands. Matthew 5-7 has many more, in addition to Jesus’ other commands in the Gospels. I need to know what Jesus commands by reading the Bible, meditating on it, and memorizing it. And then I need to put my love for him into practice by obeying, with the help of the Holy Spirit.

Forgiving Part 2

October 3, 2106 Reading

SCRIPTURE

So watch yourselves.   “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.  Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.” Luke 17:3-4 NIV

 

OBSERVATION

Rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.

Wow.  In all the times I’ve read this, somehow I’ve never noticed what this verse says about forgiveness.

  1. If your brother or sister sins against you
  2. Rebuke them
  3. If they repent
  4. Forgive them
  5. Repeat

What are these verses not saying?

  • It doesn’t say that this applies to non-Christians who have sinned against me.
  • It says “sins” against me. Not accidentally hurt me.  Not unintentionally hurt my feelings.  It says this is how to deal with a brother or sister in Christ who has sinned against me.
  • This is about a sin against me. Not me forgiving a sin someone did against someone else.  For example, someone says something mean to my child, it is between my child and that person.  Not me.
  • “Rebuke them.” Whoa, hold on.  It doesn’t say to gossip about them.  It doesn’t say to be passive aggressive.  It doesn’t say to return evil for evil.  It doesn’t say to be a martyr and let people walk over me.  Jesus says, if a brother or sister sins against me, I am to have a conversation with them about it.  I am to call them on it.
  • “If they repent.” Forgiveness is conditional, based on the action of the offending party.  Based on their willingness to repent.  Which isn’t just saying “sorry” to placate me.  Or just admitting to doing something wrong, but not having any remorse.  But to repent.  To have deep sorrow for an action and to turn away from that sin.  I like Merriam-Webster’s full definition – Repent:  to feel or show that you are sorry for something bad or wrong that you did and that you want to do what is right.  To turn from sin and dedicate oneself to the amendment of one’s life.
    • a:  to feel regret or contrition
    • b:  to change one’s mind
  • At that point, I am to Forgive

I’ve read these verses many times before, but somehow I never noticed these steps leading up to forgiveness.  I’ve always thought I need to “forgive” everyone, regardless of them repenting.  Regardless of whether they even sinned against me personally.  And the whole instruction about me rebuking them . . . that somehow went right over my head.

Yes, I need to forgive, and the process of forgiving is something I sometimes struggle with, as I mentioned in Forgiving.  But this puts the process into a different perspective.

And really, isn’t this the process that God uses with us?  He convicts us of our sins, but it is up to us to confess and repent of our sins, and then he forgives them.

P.S. Regardless of the forgiveness status, God commands us to love.  To be patient, kind and keep no record of wrong.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

ACTION

Study more on forgiveness and pray about any sins I need to repent of or people I need to rebuke.

PRAYER

Jesus, thank you for giving us this straight-forward, simple explanation on the importance of forgiveness and the process.  Please show me if there are sins I’ve committed that I need to repent.  Please show me if there are people who have repented sins to me, but I still need to forgive.  Please show me if there are people I need to rebuke, and give me the strength and words to confront them about a sin they committed against me.  Thank you for dying for me and help me to forgive others in the way God has forgiven me.